The Daily Chao

New School, New Blog

2009-10-08T20:31:00.001-07:00

Hi friends!

I started a new blog to chronicle my new life. Check it out: dailychao.tumblr.com

So long, so long, and thanks for all the fish!

xoxo

If I could Turn Back Time...

2009-09-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

I have an adventurous friend who always tries to get me to go along on his crazy schemes, like the backpacking trip through Tibet he planned in 06. I planned to go to North Korea with him this summer to see the Mass Games, a propagandic display of large-group, synchronized gymnastics, but had to alter my summer plans when I got into grad school.

And I missed out on this:

JW: vickyyyyy[9:09:23 AM]
JW: we're ALIVE[9:09:36 AM]
me: are you back from NK?[9:09:39 AM]
JW: yes[9:09:41 AM]
me: i'm so glad you're not dead![9:09:43 AM]
me: how was it?[9:09:43 AM]
JW: amazing[9:09:51 AM]
...
JW: so utterly strange and amazing[9:09:55 AM]
me: oh man, i'm so jealous[9:09:59 AM]
me: give me a highlight[9:10:06 AM]
...
JW: might be when we went to the kim-jong-il gift palace[9:11:14 AM]
JW: where they keep all the gifts given to the great leader in a ridiculous building of marble that reeks of fascism[9:11:35 AM]
JW: and madeline albright brought a basketball signed by michael jordan[9:11:52 AM]
JW: and we asked the guide what the significance of this ball was, to the korean people[9:12:16 AM]
JW: and our guide said "i think it is that this ball represents the world, and when our great leader plays with this ball, it is proving that he controls the world."

I've made a huge mistake.

Farewell, Kaohsiung, Farewell!

2009-07-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

So long, so long and thanks for all the fish!

I'm blogging from a free internet terminal at the Taoyuan International Airport, conveniently located next to the HELLO KITTY DEPARTURE GATE. For the next two weeks, I'll be in Kuala Lumpur for the Southeast Asian adventure of my dreams--beaching it in Malaysia and seeing Angkor Wat in Cambodia. Don't expect any updates until my return to Taiwan on July 14.

I'll be in DC from July 18-27, in Columbus from July 27-August 20ish. Then it's back to New England for graduate school!

Till then, if you're one of the 4 people who actually reads this, take care!

Consecutive numbers

2009-06-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

I'm 23!

My sister gave me $50 to spend at www.donorschoose.org, a site where different teachers can ask for donations for any project they want, and donors choose what they want to finance.

I gave $25 to this project titled "No, Virginia, There Is No U.S.S.R" and am trying to decide where to spend the rest of my donation dollars. Audience suggestions are greatly appreciated, especially since I should be packing right now (while I know a few of you have quite a bit of desk time)--check out the site and tell me what strikes your fancy.

Thanks for your help! Hopefully I'll have a good selection from ya'll when I return from my travels through Southeast Asia.

Tallyho!

Hoolay hoolay!

2009-06-26T10:53:00.001-07:00

ben: (Oh, I saw a WORLD GAMES ad the other day and thought of you)Ohhh, ok
me: omg, seriously?
ben: Yes. It was people doing gymnastics routines on big ugly buildings

The Discard Pile

2009-06-25T23:27:00.000-07:00

Packing takes me an eternity longer than it should because I aspire to be utilitarian, organized, and free of overweight luggage charges, but at heart I'm just a big pack rat. There are several stages between my "Suitcase" pile and my "Discard" pile corresponding to the amount of affection I have fore each possession. Here are 2 items that won't make the cut but I hope to remember for a very long time:

1. Sexy Lacy Panties from 7-11

Found them nestled between the sunscreen and the condoms while I was looking for bobby pins...

I do have some friends getting married soon.... do you think these would make a good shower gift?

2. Official 2009 World Games Multi-purpose Headscarf

These were given to us by the Kaohsiung City Bureau of Education as a "token of [their] gratitiude for all our hard work"

You can wear it as a scarf!

Or a do-rag!

Or a hat!

So sexy!

So versatile!

The more I look at these, the more I think, "Surely ___ would love these panties and this headscarf!" I need more discipline...

4 days left in Kaohsiung...

Sneaking A Swim In Sun Moon Lake: Guestblogging at Travelogged.com

2009-06-17T23:46:00.000-07:00

Hey folks,

I've been a busy lady as of late, and one of the things I've done while not updating dailychao.blogspot.com is guestblogging about my trip to Sun Moon Lake for www.travelogged.com. Here's a teaser:

Through the pedagogy of rote memorization, the magnificence of Sun Moon Lake has been ingrained in the consciousness of Chinese-speaking people. My local friends tell me that here in Taiwan, all schoolchildren memorize “Moonlight Reflecting on the Lake,” a poem written by Yunlin County Magistrate Chien Ming Shan in 1875. None of my friends can recall the words anymore, but the message remains. “Sun Moon Lake is a beautiful place,” they say, “you cannot miss it.”

Click here to read the whole thing!

Seek Glory and Glory You Shall Find

2009-06-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

Kaohsiung Cab Driver: "They call it Glory Pier because this is where the soldiers would leave from when they went off to war."

Anthromorphic Charm

2009-06-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

found at Taipei Main Station.

At a Bitter Co-Worker's Cubicle Near You!

2009-06-05T07:09:00.000-07:00

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
--Lane Kirkland

Tiananmen 20 Years Later

2009-06-04T02:43:00.001-07:00

Thanks, CNN!

Real American

2009-06-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

Daniel Robert Markus is 1/16 Native American--just 1 generation shy of affiliation. This will not stop him.

Exercises in Democracy

2009-06-02T17:53:00.000-07:00

The schoolyear is coming to a close, which means the outgoing 6th grade class has developed a serious case of 6th grade-itis, and the 5th graders are preparing for their future reign over the school. One facet of this takeover is the school mayoral election, which takes place tomorrow.

Each of the three candidates has taped colorful signs peppered with clipart images of ice cream cones and basketballs around the school explaining their intended policies. They are mostly in Chinese, which means the signs look like this to me:

My policies:

1. Increase blah

2. Increase dfadsf

3. Increase the limit on library book borrowing to at least 5
books.

4. Increase uoiuoi

5. Ice cream at least once a month with lunch.

One of the candidates--my best English student--wrote the phrase "Yes, I Can!" at the top of her poster. I admire the effort, though I think the populist message of Obama's slogan was lost on her.

Ironically, the school's mayoral election happens to fall on June 4, 2009--the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square Massacre. It seems that, at least from the things I've read, the state has mostly erased the massacre from Chinese people's memory through either fear or ignorance. If you can get your hands on a copy of Jan Wong's Red China Blues, I'd highly recommend reading it--she was one of the first foreign students allowed to study in China after communism set in and later (after her commie days were over) covered the Tiananmen Massacre as a journalist for the Toronto Star.

There are also some good readings on the internet. I really liked this article from the Guardian and this one from The Nation.

Update: Weird censorship decisions are going down in China right now. Read James Fallows for more details.

And So It Goes

2009-06-01T07:20:00.000-07:00

Last week I received an email notifying me that my childhood best friend's father passed away suddenly. He was a pastor (I'll call him Pastor L.) and whenever he took us anywhere, he would talk to us about the importance of faith and spirituality in that Protestant narrative style that makes even very young children carefully consider these topics of great weight. I'd be a better "show-er not tell-er", but Pastor L.'s daughter and I hadn't been in touch in years so I don't feel comfortable giving more details. The point is, even though I am no longer a religious person, he greatly influenced the way I think today. May he rest in peace.

I can't decide how I should feel about his death--on the one hand, Pastor L. was an important figure in my personal development. On the other hand, his death has no bearing on my day-to-day life. Perhaps this is one of those conflicts we grow to understand as we grow older. The absence of important people in our lives cannot stop life from continuing. It will go on, with or without you.

I have thought about this constantly since I moved to Taiwan. I have responsibilities and a life here, but it feels like it exists in isolation from my "real life" back in the states. In my head, everything will be right where I left it when I return in July, but in reality, I will not come home to the same place. A family friend got in a serious car accident and has been hospitalized for three weeks. The college friend who once told me "The only reason I would save the whales is so I can eat them" is now working for some green project in New Hampshire headed by Al Gore. One of my friends dissappeared from facebook (she's not the type to quit), and it was only after several failed searches that I realized she'd dropped her maiden name after getting married.

It's June 1, which means I only have a month left in this place. Everyone keeps talking about how they're ready to go home. Certainly I am ready to leave, but I'm also unsure about what going home really means in this case. It's been a year and a half since I've spent more than 3 days in Ohio, and I'm afraid that I may long for a familiarity that no longer exists.

Cultural Exchange We Will All Get Behind

2009-05-21T18:05:00.000-07:00

And the caption reads:

The official dance troupe of the Dallas Cowboys (a US National Football League team) perform with local elderly at a downtown park in Shanghai in April. China's sports industry is getting more popular, more profitable, and more international.

(From The China Daily)

Fulbright, take note.

DIY BLING BLING PANDA

2009-05-21T10:50:00.000-07:00

Taiwanese people use the phrase "DIY" (Do-it-yourself) as if it exists in normal conversational English. Then they look really pleased with themselves for using an English acronym. On the inside, I am breaking everything in sight but on the outside I am smiling and nodding.

Unemployment On This Side of the World

2009-05-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

The BBC ran a feature on the odd jobs people are working in order to stay afloat during the recession (yes, it's happening here too). It's worth checking out. Here's a sampler:

I was feeling depressed about being jobless. Then my friend took me to
apply for one of the temporary jobs the government was providing for unemployed
people.
"We have to knock on people's doors and ask them to let us into
their homes to get rid of sources of standing water and catch mosquitoes. Our
city will host the 2009 World Games in July, and we need to eradicate mosquitoes
to avoid outbreaks of Dengue fever.

Nutrition for dummies

2009-05-18T09:46:00.001-07:00

A balanced diet of fried.

(Consumed across the street from the Green Lake paddle-boating pond in Hualien County)

I got 99 problems but...

2009-05-17T08:56:00.001-07:00

Quick update--my computer has a virus, so I've been avoiding any activities that require login information for a quite some time. I'm slowly growing less vigilant about protecting my personal information, so eventually you will start seeing a steady stream of backlogged posts. There have been so many adventures and not enough sleep.

I've been saying partially in jest, partially in seriousness that I wanted to be the fastest woman in Taiwan. That goal will probably never come true (I am not a fast girl), but I did run the "Sporty Healthy Taipei" 9k last week in which I took 26th place overall and 3rd place in my age division (Women 20-29). Most importantly, I won a trophy, which has never happened and probably will never happen again. The photo above is from the awards ceremony, where apparently I was the only one who was a) happy and b) hot enough to wear shorts and a tank top in 95 degree weather.

A preview of good things to come:
The Kaohsiung Fulbrighters have formed a team to race in the Dragon Boat Festival races at the end of the month. They say that in crew, everyone must be the same strength and having one person who rows harder than everyone else will throw off the boat. If the same principles apply to dragon boat racing, then we are in serious trouble because our teammates range from Dan, the 6-foot-2 former college basketball player, to me and everything in between. To get to the final round, we will probably have to row 500 meters in less than 3.5 minutes. The other day at practice, it took our boat 7 minutes to not quite make the full 500 meters. I can't wait.

Well Said

2009-04-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

Excerpt from James Fallows' blog on The Atlantic Monthly Website:

"Torture from Afar"

For as annoyed as foreigners may get with America and Americans, there
have been two saving graces in the world's opinions of our country. One has been
its permeability. Anywhere you go, someone has an uncle or cousin in America.
The other, less openly stated, has been a belief that at some point there
are rules in America. Long periods may pass when the rules are ignored. Big boys
may bend the rules in their favor. Some offenses are never made right. And so
on. But in the end, the American system is supposed to recognize injustice and
respond -- including with public accountability for even the mightiest figures.
It has this in common with the British and some other systems -- which is what
Gandhi relied on in knowing he could "shame" the Brits. For all the increases in
liberty within China over the last generation, this is a striking difference
with the world's currently-rising power. No one expects China's current
leadership to conduct a "truth commission" about the Cultural Revolution or
Tiananmen. But people finally expect America to apply its own rules, even
against its own people. Fulfilling that expectation is not sufficient for
restoring America's image international standing. But it is
necessary.

Ethnic Theme Park

2009-04-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

This marks the second or third time I've seen Taiwan use its ethnic minorities as a tourist attraction.

I stayed for the whole thing.

Taken at Alishan (aka Ali Mountain) during Cherry Blossom season. Not pictured: throngs of Taiwanese tourists.

Recession Notes

2009-04-18T12:27:00.000-07:00

The building across the street from my apartment used to house the Bank of Kaohsiung. Two or three days ago, a 7-11 opened in its place.

Fruitful discovery

2009-03-23T08:36:00.000-07:00

Did you know that this is how pineapples grow? I always imagined they hung from trees!

Lazy Sunday

2009-03-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

Even if you've done nothing good today, never forget to dream big. To inspire you, here's Gizmodo on the death of a courageous spacebat:

On a cool spring eve, March 15th, 2009, a bat, crippled and wistful, clung to the Space Shuttle Discovery as it was thrust toward the great beyond. Goodbye and godspeed, my magnificent Spacebat.
---
Bereft of his ability to fly and with nowhere to go, a courageous bat climbed aboard our Discovery with stars in his weak little eyes. The launch commenced, and Spacebat trembled as his frail mammalian body was gently pushed skyward. For the last time, he felt the primal joy of flight; for the first, the indescribable feeling of ascending toward his dream—a place far away from piercing screeches and crowded caves, stretching forever into fathomless blackness.
Whether he was consumed in the exhaust flames or frozen solid in the stratosphere is of no concern. We know that Spacebat died, but his dream will live on in all of us.

Today was nothing

2009-03-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

Bathroom mosquito
Fat and heavy from feeding
Smack! Blood on the wall

From the annals of absurdity: The Cape No. 7 Tour

2009-03-19T01:14:00.000-07:00

When the movie Titanic came out in 1997, throngs of teenage (and adult) girls flocked to theaters to watch the ill-fated romance of Jack and Rose. To call it fanaticism would be an understatement. When I finally saw it 2 or 3 months after its release, the theater was so crowded I ended up sitting in the aisle surrounded by sobbing adolescents who recited every line with the movie. It was impossible to go anywhere (even to sleep) without hearing Celine Dion's biggest hit ever, "My Heart Will Go On." I never thought I'd witness anything like Titanic-mania again.

11 years later, however, I find myself in the midst of another pop culture phenomenon: Cape No. 7, the total body experience. Cape No. 7 is a Taiwanese movie that combines the three things Taiwanese people love most: love stories, pop music, and discussions of national identity. The plot involves two story lines--one between a Japanese man and a Taiwanese woman at the end of the Japanese colonization period, and a present-day love story between a Taiwanese postman and a Japanese concert organizer. Both take place in Hengchun Township, a provincial, beachy area at the southermost part of the island.

The local response to this movie has been nothing short of fanaticism. I have co-workers who have seen it at least four times. Earlier this year, the local news reported that the Hengchun County Post Office received thousands of love letters from movie fans sent to the fabled address, Cape No. 7. Discussing the movie is the equivalent of talking about food or the weather. Everyone likes it, no one argues, we all save face and go home happy. Singing either of the hit songs from the movie (if you're a foreigner, that is) is a guaranteed, no-fail recipe for making Taiwanese friends, especially if you sing it at a KTV (that's Karaoke TV, pan- Asia's favorite weekend hangout.)

Recipe for instant friendship with the southern Taiwanese population

Hengchun Township has tried (successfully) to capitalize on Cape No. 7 Fantacism by putting together a Cape No. 7 Tour, where crazed Taiwanese people of all ages drive around Hengchun taking photos at all the sites where the movie was filmed. Hengchun looks exactly like any other provincial area of Taiwan, except with a nicer beach. Just like everywhere else that's not Taipei or Kaohsiung, there are weather-worn houses, stray dogs, lots of scooters and the faint-but-ubiquitous stench of fish. Yet, in spite of its ordinariness, people flocked to Hengchun to take photos of themselves at what appear to be the most mundane sites on the island including but not limited to 7/11, a random house where the main character lived or a shabby old alley. All the postmen trying to deliver mail got mobbed by tourists demanding to get a photo with themselves and a real Hengchun postman.

The following slideshow is from my fellow Fulbrighter Billy and I's trip to Hengchun with his host family and a few of my co-workers. Do you see the mobs of teenagers? Do you understand why they're so excited? Do you see why I'm confused?

Daily Accomplishment

2009-03-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

Three or four of the students in one of my third grade classes are apparently "mute," according to their classmates. Whenever I call on one of these little mimes, their classmates always shout "Teacher Vicky, So-and-so doesn't talk, even in Chinese!" Statistically, I find it unlikely that one third grade class at a small school has more than one child who physically cannot speak. The more probable explanation is that Taiwanese children are, on the whole, painfully shy and fearful of making mistakes; thus, they avoid speaking if at all possible, especially in English.

Today, however, one of my little mutes decided to say "I like cake!" during class today, making my heart take a little leap. This was, of course, tempered by the fact that another child cried for the entire class period after being asked to say the same thing.

Another Reason to Go To China Next Year

2009-03-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

Lifted from The Guardian:

China to bring Das Kapital to life on Beijing stage

Producers promise blend of Broadway and Vegas for all-dancing, all-singing adaptation of Marx's treatise
Tania Branigan in Beijing
guardian.co.uk, Tuesday 17 March 2009 08.22 GMT

Whether Karl Marx would approved of his work being turned into entertainment is a matter of speculation. Photo: Bettman/Corbis

You've read the book, attended the seminars and pondered the accumulation of surplus value – now see the musical.
Chinese producers are attempting to transform Das Kapital from a hefty treatise on political economy into a popular stage show, complete with catchy tunes and nifty footwork.
Whether Karl Marx would approve of his masterwork being served up as entertainment for China's new bourgeoisie is a matter of speculation. But the director He Nian – best known for his stage adaptation of a martial-arts spoof – has promised to unite elements from Broadway musicals and Las Vegas shows in a hip, interesting and educational play featuring a live band, singing and dancing.

You can't make this shit up. I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing.

Normalcy

2009-03-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

I accompanied my 70-year-old host parents to a luncheon celebrating the 90th birthday of their priest hoping something absurd would happen, like the birthday celebration actually turning into a secret Jews for Jesus concert. Instead, I got nothing. No exorcisms, no conspiracy theories, not even weird outfits old people think they can get away with wearing but actually can't. NOTHING.

It just goes to show that you never get exactly what you wish for. Except for the fact that they just repeat "Happy birthday to you" over and over again instead of singing the "Happy birthday dear ___" line, there was nothing strange about the music. I chatted with an American man named Father Chuck from California, and another man told me about his days at MIT. Nothing extraordinary came out of these conversations.

Even the food was normal--no pigs feet, no animal intestines, no coagulated pigs blood. The only thing slightly weird was this green bean-filled rice bun shaped and dyed to look like a peach, and even then, food made to look like other foods is not uncommon (ex: veggie burgers, swedish fish).

How disappointing!

Tchoukball Fans... GET READY!

2009-03-14T09:41:00.000-07:00

Taiwan in 2009 is the place to be for sports fans who happen to follow athletic activities nobody else cares much about. Last year, Beijing had the Olympics. This year, Taipei will host the 2009 Deaflympics (something about that name seems like it should be offensive even though it's not) and Kaohsiung, my current home, will host the 2009 World Games.

"What do you mean by 'athletic activities nobody else cares much about?'" you may be asking. Please raise your hand if you've heard of the following sports:

-Competitive Tug-of-War

More ridiculous than the event itself is the city of Kaohsiung's attempts to build hype around a generally lackluster competition. For starters, each elementary school must play host* to one competing country and we're supposed to teach our students about the guest country. Maybe that's easy for my roommate Dan, whose school will host the USA. My school will host Uzbekistan. If I were to teach a lesson on Uzbekistan (which I won't because we barely have enough time to finish our curriculum) it would go something like this:

Me: Good morning class

Students: Good morning Teacher Vicky!

Me: Today we are going to learn about Uzbekistan. Can you say UZ-BEK-I-STAN?

Students: UZ-BEK-I-STAN (repeat)!

Me: Very good! Now, Uzbekistan is a very important country for illegal trade. Does anyone know how to say illegal in Chinese? (student answers) Very good! Now, who knows how to say "guns and drugs" in Chinese? (student answers). Excellent! Uzbekistan is famous for selling illegal guns and drugs....

Then there is the theme song, as shown in the following music video.

I'm surprised I haven't memorized the words yet because it plays non-stop during commercial breaks, AND schools all around the city have to learn dances to the song.

Which brings me to my observation of the day: Some fellow ETAs and I were walking through the Cultural Center (the big park near my apartment) tonight when we saw a group of about 30 or 40 elementary school students performing a dance to the theme song. Most of them were dressed in normal clothes, but there were 3 randomly placed students wearing full animal costumes (dragon, unicorn, and lion).

And I thought I'd seen everything....

*I don't totally understand what "playing host" really means, but everyone I've asked makes it sound like they'll be using our schools as locker rooms. This seems strange because the desks come up to MY knees and I'm only 5'2, yet most of the World Games athletes I've seen around here are comically tall.

"Hell on Earth"

2009-03-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 50th anniversary of a failed Tibetan uprising against China. As you've probably read in the New York Times, the Dalai Lama has harshly condemned Chinese authorities for cracking down on Tibetans since a series of riots one year ago, saying that Tibetans have gone through "hell on earth."

It's also worth checking out Chinese coverage of the Dalai Lama's speech. Here's a teaser from Xinhua, China's main news agency:

Commentary: For whom is Tibet a "hell on earth"?
www.chinaview.cn 2009-03-10 22:28:56 Print
By Xinhua Writer Zhou Yan

LHASA, March 10 (Xinhua) -- Tuesday is a special date for Tibetans. For the 2.8 million residents in the southwest China autonomous region, it marks 50 years since feudal serfdom was abolished; but for the 14th Dalai Lama and his "government-in-exile," it marks five decades of futile attempts at independence.

....

In a speech to mark the 50th anniversary of his exile, the Dalai Lama abruptly shook off his pacifist outlook and smiles to give some gibberish far below the intelligence of the "spiritual leader" himself, and poles apart from truth.

I take it back

2009-03-09T06:23:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, more specifically February 14, 2009, I wrote a slightly bitter Valentine's Day post on this here blog.

But I take back all the bile--thanks to Sexy Beijing for showing us all how sweet Valentine's Day is in China!

CASTRATION!

2009-03-09T06:03:00.000-07:00

When my roommate Katie picked up our dog from getting neutered last week, the vet asked, "Would you like to keep or see his testicles?"

What if she had kept them? Would she keep them in the fridge? In the common room for everyone to enjoy? As a paperweight on her desk?

This episode puts a whole new spin on the "When in Taiwan, do as the Taiwanese do" philosophy.

Lucky Me!

2009-03-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

Sesame paste is the Asian equivalent of cheese. It's high in fat and makes everything taste better.

Goes well with leafy, green vegetables and noodles. Haven't tried it with crackers, but I'm feeling optimistic.

"So, what are your plans for next year?"

2009-03-05T05:38:00.000-08:00

Thinking about the next step has gotten this far:

As Shitty as it Looked

2009-03-03T07:32:00.000-08:00

Novelty restaurants always seem like a good idea at the time. Here we are eating at The Modern Toilet, where you can eat poopy-looking food out of toilet-shaped containers while sitting on a glitter-blasted loo.

Dan and Liz are the All-American couple. They are both smart, attractive, athletic, tall and blonde. They also both hail from Southern California and bring that "Can-do!" attitude to the dinner table. It doesn't get more American than that!

Matt and I are neither a couple nor particularly American*. He might know more Chinese than English, and I don't like sugar in my tea. Also, look at my shirt. No American adult in her right mind would ever wear something so silly.

I'm never eating out of a toilet ever again.

*This is a lie. If there's one thing I've learned about myself over the past few months, it's just how American I really am!

You Can't Take It With You

2009-03-01T05:07:00.000-08:00

I thought of two ways to write about these photographs:

1. The scooter is (as far as I can tell) the most popular mode of transportation in Kaohsiung, and it's amazing how much stuff they manage to fit onto one little vehicle. It's not uncommon to see a family of four riding together--older child standing behind the steering column, dad in front, mom in back holding baby. My roommate claims she once saw five dogs on one scooter--a small one in the front basket, a large one hanging over the streering column, one sitting on the (human) driver's lap, two in cages strapped to the back. Since these spectacles tend to zoom by before I can dig my camera out of my purse, this elementary school student and his science project will have to do. Plus, he's way cuter and seemingly less dangerous than some of the more outrageous scooter balancing acts seen around these parts.

*Note: I hear that scooter-packing in India and Vietnam makes Taiwan look, well, safe.

2. Taiwanese education experts constantly bemoan the state of "Creativity"
on the island. At least one of the schools that host Fulbright English Teaching Assistants has a "Creativity Center" (oh, the irony of building a center for creativity is not lost on me) where either a bunch of teachers plan events to encourage kids to be creative or kids go to be creative, though it's unclear which of these options is actually the purpose of the center. One of my co-workers is apparently working towards a masters degree in "Creativity Studies," but his failure to explain what that actually means makes me suspect that Creativity is some sort of meaningless buzzword in the Taiwanese education field, sort of like "green" or "all-natural" in the United States.

Regardless of what Creativity actually means to a person living in Taiwan, perhaps educators who see this photo might breathe a sigh of relief knowing that their children are not actually robots. Judging from our young hero's mother's expression pictured below (and her yelling, "This is much too big! How can we possibly take it home!"), I assume that his project was unique among his classmates, at least in terms of size. So worry not, Taiwanese Education Officials, your kids are not doomed to crunch numbers for the rest of human history!

3. In the spirit of creativity, I'd like to host a little contest--how would you write about these photos? Leave all your ideas in the comment box. I'll check them out at the end of the week. Best entry gets a special postcard from Taiwan (and they're good ones, believe me!) If you're timid about submitting, just think that if you're the only one who submits, you automatically win!

Osama Bin Laden sez: LoL!

2009-02-27T21:12:00.000-08:00

This Huffington Post article has me twittering (but not on Twitter... yet)

I wish it were a mystery

2009-02-26T06:54:00.000-08:00

From the grocery store around the corner:

Would Magic Molly eat it?

Mystery Meat

2009-02-25T06:52:00.000-08:00

Found at the Kaohsiung Lantern Festival on February 13:

Seriously, what are these? They're too small to be chickens, but would Taiwanese people really eat roasted pigeons?

KVETCH

2009-02-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

When I left Taiwan on January 20, it was still chilly enough to wear a jacket. One month later, I'm wearing shorts and sweating through my shirt at work. And it's only March.

Tomorrow's forecast: 31 degrees celcius (that's 87.8 degrees Fahrenheit for the philistines who won't do metric.)

Ugh.

Puppy Love

2009-02-22T07:09:00.000-08:00

What happens when you try to take a webcam photo with a dog around.

Noisy

2009-02-20T15:40:00.000-08:00

This is not my crotch. It is Gao Xiao Gao's crotch--she sings for an indie rock band in Taipei called The White Eyes.

The White Eyes played a show last night at a place called the Underworld near Taipei Normal University*. I won't pretend I know how to write about music or concerts, but the energy level at the show seemed comparable to the other two shows I've seen in recent memory (Dengue Fever in July and the What Cheer? Brigade sometime last spring). All 40 of us who crowded into the smoky lair of Underworld bobbed our heads at the very least, and most people danced. I felt like I was 16 again, lying to my parents about "sleepovers" so I could catch punk shows on campus or begging one of my acquaintances who house-sat for Karen O., the lead singer of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, to steal her underwear when no one was looking.

I'd been whining about not being able to see live music more since I arrived on this island, and I'm glad that a) I finally saw a show and b) it didn't suck. Hopefully more is yet to come!

*Note on culture: In spite of the East Asia's affinity for conformity, the term "Normal Universities" is not meant to distinguish Normal Universities from "weird" universities. "Normal University" is actually an old-fashioned term for teacher's college.

Count Your Blessings

2009-02-15T23:42:00.000-08:00

It's already Tuesday, but I've still got a "case of the Mondays." I guess it's kind of like a hangover without the liver damage. After my month -long winter break during which I promised myself to make the most of this final semester in Taiwan, I find myself sliding back into my old habits and attitudes; it seems that the good will and positive thinking built up over a month of seeing old friends, travel and meditation depletes itself pretty quickly.

I know that giving thanks is usually an activity reserved for Thanksgiving, but it seems like an appropriate time to take stock of the little things that bring me joy out here.

1. The Internet: thank you for bringing me Skype, GChat, the online graduate school application and The New Yorker.

2. My roommates: Good company goes a long way, and luckily for me, good company is never far away.

3. Emails from Paul: "so i spent valentines day [at my sister's college] with my mom; it was nice to know you are never too gay to be oedipal."

4. Employment: the only thing worse than being employed is being unemployed. Truth.

5. Coworkers who send me photos like this:

Be Mine

2009-02-14T06:31:00.000-08:00

Taiwanese people celebrate not one, not two, but three Valentine's days--the Taiwanese one in August, the American one in February and the Japanese one on March 14, which is really like Valentine's Day part II.

Having surpassed the two-year mark in singledom, the holiday no longer registers in my brain. When I remember to think about it, it's mostly with indifference--I like couples and have nothing against love or the expression of love. At the same time, it amuses me that greeting card companies have convinced people spend lots of time, energy and money on a holiday that commemorates the death of a martyr who was stoned, clubbed, then beheaded. All in the name of love! But I digress...

As it turns out, I should probably be more sensitive or aware of holidays that might mean something to someone, especially when a whole island of those someones have so much love to give that its expression overflows into three, non-consecutive days each year. I absentmindedly scheduled three interviews with local Brown applicants at the Starbucks around the corner from my apartment today. When I arrived, there was a line stretching out the door. Must be the Saturday afternoon crowd, I thought. After reaching the front of the line and ordering a drink, the barista asked if I wanted two. "Two?" I asked. "Why would I need two hot chocolates?"

"It's buy one, get one free!" she exclaimed. I briefly considered--after all, why get one when you can get two? Then I looked around. The closet-sized lobby was packed shoulder-to-shoulder with caffeine-deprived-but-giddy couples. I was the only one alone.

"Oh, it's Valentine's Day! I just need one, thanks," I replied. Her smile softened into a countenance of deep, profound pity. I almost changed my drink order just so her face would re-inflate to its former perkiness.

But, beLOVED reader, spreading misery makes no one happy, so I'll end this post with the wise words and clever crafts of Ms. Alexandra Kleeman:

"...given a choice, it is usually better to be enthusiastic about something than unenthusiastic."

and so I SHOUT (emphatically, of course)

image stolen from http://technicolor.org

Foods and Hiatus

2009-01-13T09:59:00.000-08:00

One of the best things about living abroad is that every meal is an adventure. I was in Taipei over the weekend with some friends, and we got a dessert called Yu4 Yuan2, which are sticky Taro balls. The problem with Asian desserts is that it's hard to convey how delicious everything is. Everything comes in sticky ball form, and somehow the name Taro balls just doesn't come out right.

Since my college friend Matt was only in town briefly, we had to get the house specialty. Unfortunately, the house specialty involves Yuyuan on black sugar ice and cold grass jelly (yes, I know that sounds putrid, but give it a shot!), and Matt happened to come on the coldest day of the year. Being the wasteful young lady I am, I could only get through a little of the icy stuff before giving up and ordering the hot grass jelly version. Here I am fishing taro balls out of the ice.

I'll be on hiatus for a while--I'm heading to Japan and Thailand for winter break. Happy Chinese New Year to All, and to all a good night!

Taiwan: Touch Your....

2009-01-06T07:37:00.000-08:00

Today an old woman walked up to me as I was waiting for the bus to work. She said something to me in Taiwanese, and I looked at her quizically. Then she reached out and touched my chest, one breast at a time.

Then she laughed, got on the next bus, and rode away.

Ouch is Right

2009-01-05T05:55:00.000-08:00

My dog, my dog, why have you forsaken me?!

Maybe this year will be better than the last....

2009-01-02T08:31:00.000-08:00

The list of people I love but cannot be with for emotional (not proximity) reasons continues to grow. What an awful trend.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T08:06:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year from the Chateau Hotel in Kenting, Taiwan!

This Taiwanese Childhood

2008-12-27T06:07:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have noticed the absence of a real post over the past month or so (I know at least three people who actually read this regularly), I apologize. There are, of course, the usual excuses--the holidays, field trips, and family visits--but in addition to all that fun, I have been hard at work. I am in the midst of a frantic attempt to complete a graduate school application. The biggest commitment siphoning away my time as of late, however, has been my stint coaching a team of students to compete in the Kaohsiung Rotary Storytelling Competition (from hereon referred to as The SC).

Like so many things in Taiwan (lunch dates that become daytrips, sports days that include discomfort-inducing bellydancing performances), The SC involves more than the name implies. Groups of 1-5 students must recite a 7-minute story in English from memory on a given theme before a panel of judges. This year's theme was "Making Your Dreams Come True!" Oh! But there's more! Costumes, props, songs, dances and background music are not prohibited, which means they're implicitly expected! The absence of these elements will probably result in a score of 0 for "Creativity." Other criteria include "Performance" and "Content," the latter of which accounts for a whopping 50% of the total score. The enormous weight put on this final element means that teachers are also being graded in this competition, since few schools would risk "losing face" by allowing their students to write the story.

Clearly, the whole affair thrills me to tears. Taiwanese kids, after all, have so much free time on their hands. Surely we wouldn't want the children here to twiddle their thumbs during those wide-open hours between the 7am-4pm schoolday and their afterschool+weekend cram school classes. It disgusts me to see those lazy 8 year-olds leaving the Hess English School near my apartment at 10 pm. How should we teach these kids better discipline? I know! By making them memorize 7 minute speeches in a foreign language! That'll whip 'em into shape.

Now, I'm not against academic competition. I recognize that this is a good opportunity for these kids to practice speaking English. Heck, some of the kids who performed their stories even looked like they were having fun! At the same time, the kids here are already under so much pressure. The star of my SC also happens to be the smartest kid in school and the point guard of our championship-winning basketball team. The basketball coach tried to make her skip our morning practices so she could attend his. "She's our point guard, and she only comes to 2/5 weekly practices since she has so much else going on," he argued.

"We only have one more week," Shu-ting pleaded. "You can have her back after Saturday." He finally relented.

The most infuriating part of all this, however, is that Shu-ting and I were forced to particpate with only 2.5 weeks left before the competition. We successfully managed to avoid the Reader's Theater (RT) competition held by the Bureau of Education only one month before. Only a few weeks ago, I laughed at my stressed-out roommates as they wrote stories about hip-hop dancing hippos and trash-picking pandas for their wealthy, uber-competitive downtwon schools. Two weeks later, my Academic Dean called Shu-ting and I to inform us that the Bureau had specially requested us to participate. Since most other schools already participated in RT only one month ago, few schools registered for The ST. They were burned out from RT. The contest was being organized by an outside group. Worst of all, the prizes for winning were insignificat--a few book coupons and a stack of certificates of participation.

I suspect were were chosen as the affirmative action candidate. Xiaogang District, where my school is located, is the poorest district of Kaohsiung City. Technically, it's not even in the city; it's an industrial suburb whose industries have mostly moved to Mainland China. No other schools from our district signed up for the competition, making me believe that the Bureau just wanted some representation to balance out the rich schools from the downtown area and northern suburbs.

So, with two weeks to go before showtime, I wrote a story (and made it rhyme since apparently I, too, would be graded), recorded practice CDs and constructed turtle signs out of scrap paper. My kids gave up lunch breaks, study halls, basketball practices and precious free time to memorize the script, practice their pronunciation and learn to perform before an audience (the other schools already knew how to do this from participating in RT). In the days leading up to the competition, I became increasingly nervous. Winning didn't concern me, but I feared that my kids would see the other schools who had so many advantages--competition experience, more money for private English tutors, extra prep time, and even teammates who previously had lived in the US--and feel badly.

But our seven minutes came and went, and I couldn't be more proud. True, there were forgotten lines here and there and I'm not sure how we looked compared to the team before us, who prepared full animal costumes, 2 songs, a dance, and confetti. Needless to say, we didn't place. Then again, I don't really care. My kids worked hard and seemed satisfied with their overall performance. And if that's not enough, at least we weren't the group that told "The Story of Helen Keller." (They were being coached by a nun. Are you surprised?)

The best part of my day was going to McDonalds to celebrate after our performance. We ate too much ice cream and stuffed french fries in our upper lips to imitate vampires. I pretended to get mad at the who boy who trespassed into the McPlayplace, despite the fact that his height clearly surpassed the maximum limit. They saw through my act and we laughed. A lot. And for a brief moment, I almost believed that a Taiwanese childhood wasn't so different from my American childhood after all.

Distractions Part 2

2008-12-26T07:29:00.000-08:00

This reminds me of many people--a former roommate, a current colleague, and so many more. I'd write my own review, but Sasha Frere Jones, pop music critic for The New Yorker, just does such a good job...

BEST MUSIC VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Watching this video, you will wonder, briefly, if Chris Dane Owens “means it.” This is an ungenerous thought—dismiss it. You may also wonder why “Shine On Me” is modelled on early ABC and Spandau Ballet and padded out with an unnecessary layer of loud guitars. Irrelevant. What you need to know is that Mr. Owens will live forever—until the dragons rule the earth again (or the first time, whatever)—and that you are going to watch this video more times than you can imagine. You may dream of this video, but the dream won’t be as good because it won’t be this video.

Distractions

2008-12-26T07:19:00.001-08:00

I've cleared my entire afternoon and evening in order to work on my personal statement. It's currently 11 pm, and I have made negative progress--I've added nothing, but deleted plenty.

I have, however, caught up on some reading, and then some. I have also decided that this is my favorite piece of writing from this year:

From "Animal Tales" by Simon Rich. Published in the June 30 issue of The New Yorker:

DALMATIANS
“Hey, look, the truck’s stopping.”
“Did they take us to the park this time?”
“No—it’s a fire. Another horrible fire.”
“What the hell is wrong with these people?”

Here's to productivity!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T21:55:00.000-08:00

I hope it's not wrong for me to feel homesick on Christmas, because I do. I'm currently at work because Christmas isn't a real holiday in Taiwan. No one has commented on my ugly holiday sweater, which means they just think I have terrible taste. I mean, it's kind of true, but nobody's fashion sense is THIS TERRIBLE!

I just reread an email from a professor describing the huge pile of snow most of you can probably see from your window. Now I feel a little sad. Talking to Taiwanese people about snow seems pointless-most of them haven't experienced it and waste their puffy down jackets on 60 degree weather. It seems fitting that the version of "White Christmas" we play over the loudspeakers every morning replaces all the words with animal noises.

That being said, the upside to missing friends and family is that at least there are friends and family to miss. Merry Christmas to all of you! Have a happy new year!

Earthquake!

2008-12-22T17:09:00.000-08:00

Survived my first tremor today around 8:10 am. Have you ever seen the entire room shake before? It reminded me of that N*SYNC video where they're in a rotating box, except with more screaming children and the threat of lights dropping on my head. None of them got under desks or held up books or anything like that--they just held each other and screeched. Well, some of the little boys yelled, "Do it again! Do it again!"

Shouldn't they have drills for these things?

Cute or Cruel?

2008-12-22T08:22:00.001-08:00

The best thing I've purchased all year...

The News in Taiwan!

2008-12-17T08:06:00.000-08:00

Two newsworthy events from this week:

1. Direct daily flights between Mainland China and Taiwan began on Monday! (Take that, Chen Shui-bian, you old bastard!)

2. "Man Who Snatched Wig Will Have Toupee" (!!) Thanks to my roommate Katie for finding this one.

**BONUS ARTICLE: Did you know that adultery is illegal in South Korea?

All I Want For Christmas Is....

2008-12-14T02:14:00.000-08:00

subscriptions to monthly magazines. Lots and lots of subscriptions. Not that I actually expect anything since everyone who reads this blog is probably as poor as I am....

But for everyone else who requires a holiday gift of some sort, Roy Blount Jr., president of the Author's Guild, has a suggestion:

I've been talking to booksellers lately who report that times are hard. And local booksellers aren't known for vast reserves of capital, so a serious dip in sales can be devastating. Booksellers don't lose enough money, however, to receive congressional attention. A government bailout isn't in the cards.

We don't want bookstores to die. Authors need them, and so do neighborhoods. So let's mount a book-buying splurge. Get your friends together, go to your local bookstore and have a book-buying party. Buy the rest of your Christmas presents, but that's just for starters. Clear out the mysteries, wrap up the histories, beam up the science fiction! Round up the westerns, go crazy for self-help, say yes to the university press books! Get a load of those coffee-table books, fatten up on slim volumes of verse, and take a chance on romance!

There will be birthdays in the next twelve months; books keep well; they're easy to wrap: buy those books now. Buy replacements for any books looking raggedy on your shelves. Stockpile children's books as gifts for friends who look like they may eventually give birth. Hold off on the flat-screen TV and the GPS (they'll be cheaper after Christmas) and buy many, many books. Then tell the grateful booksellers, who by this time will be hanging onto your legs begging you to stay and live with their cat in the stockroom: "Got to move on, folks. Got some books to write now. You see...we're the Authors Guild."

Enjoy the holidays.

Roy Blount Jr.
President
Authors Guild

The Guild's staff informs me that many of you are writing to ask whether you can forward and post my holiday message encouraging orgiastic book-buying. Yes! Forward! Yes! Post! Sound the clarion call to every corner of the Internet: Hang in there, bookstores! We're coming! And we're coming to buy! To buy what? To buy books! Gimme a B! B! Gimme an O! O! Gimme another O! Another O! Gimme a K! K! Gimme an S! F! No, not an F, an S. We're spelling BOOKS!

Stolen from James Fallows's blog. Now pick up your wallets and go!

Vanity Vanity Tooth Insanity

2008-12-10T07:41:00.000-08:00

I was born with beautiful teeth. They're white and they're straight without the help of braces. My dental hygiene regimen borders on neurotic--I floss daily, brush twice a day, use listerine every night, and even wear a nightguard to protect them against nighttime grinding.

The only flaw: they're deeply grooved and therefore prone to cavities. According to my dentist, it's not my fault--the bristles of my toothbrush simply can't fit in these narrow valleys.

Today I went to the dentist for the first time in Taiwan. Apparently I have not one, not two, not three, but SIX CAVITIES! SIX! They're small, and apparently "not [my] fault" but still, six!

At least dental care is covered by our nationalized healthcare. My co-payment today was 100 NTD, or roughly $3 USD. Which is good because they only filled half of the cavities today.

3 down, 3 to go....

Under Construction

2008-12-09T07:13:00.000-08:00

The official Cape No. 7 Post commemorating the official Cape No. 7 Tour is currently in progress. The event was so monumentally Taiwanese that I'll need a few more days to really capture it in words.

Until then, it's worth mentioning that the children who came along made the trip undeniably awesome. Check out this video. Check out those elephant pants!

On a related note, I'd like to point out that if I were a 10 year-old girl, I would totally have a crush on Roy, the oldest son of my school's Dean of Student Affairs (pictured below on the left). He has Gap model good looks and is well dressed to boot (thanks to his mother). He thinks metal is sweet and easy listening is boring. When he throws rocks into the ocean, they go really far. He's nice to his little brother. His handwriting is especially tidy. A veritable dreamboat for Taiwanese elementary school girls.

This would totally happen in Taiwan

2008-12-08T08:16:00.001-08:00

Oh, Asia!

(also from the BBC)

Man killed for 'hogging karaoke'

A Malaysian man has been stabbed to death for refusing to stop singing and hand over the microphone at a karaoke bar, police say.

From the BBC: Getting High on HIV Drugs

2008-12-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

Getting high on HIV drugs in S Africa

Alka Marwaha
BBC News

The drugs are being crushed and then smoked

Anti-retroviral drugs used to treat HIV/Aids are being bought and smoked by teenagers in South Africa to get high.
Reports suggest that the drugs are being sold by patients and even healthcare staff for money.
Schoolchildren have been spotted smoking the drugs, which are ground into powder and sometimes mixed with painkillers or marijuana.
Aids patients themselves have been found smoking the drugs instead of taking them as prescribed.

Didn't see that one coming...

Apple Bottom Jeanzzzzzz

2008-12-08T08:03:00.001-08:00

At the night market near my apartment, something hideously fur-lined (including but not limited to BOOTS!) lurks around every corner.

When I return to the US, my suitcase will be full of poached stuffed animalz.

Photos to come. That's a guarantee!

Addendum

2008-12-07T08:53:00.001-08:00

Also found at Kansai International Airport (thank you, Ben Isaac!):

Vibrators

Look carefully at the corner of that shelf

Crunky

Jesse Ventura + Adolf Hitler

**ok, he was actually seen in Switzerland. But imagine if these things came together in the Osaka airport...

"Pump Up The Volume" from Jock Jams would make like an appropriate soundtrack choice.

Exfoliation

2008-12-07T08:17:00.000-08:00

image from http://www.horleypets.co.uk/images/products/small/goldfish1.jpg

My first trip to a hot spring (in Pingdong County, that's the southernmost part of Taiwan, folks) involved dipping my feet into a pool of goldfish and letting them nibble the dead skin off my feet. Being eaten alive by worms would probably produce the same tickling sensation. The man sitting next to me attracted no goldfish, while a great cloud of orange fins grew at my feet. Is there something wrong with me?

Hot springs are one of those things that you're supposed to love about Taiwan, but I think I'll pass in the future. I'm not sure how I imagined it would be, but it closely resembled a swimming pool minus the chlorine smell which would have assured me of its sanitariness.

On a related note, I also was not crazy about the:
-slimy tiles lining the inside of the pool (related to the sanitation issue)
-required swim cap rule (though I should probably appreciate this)

Lost in Trasit

2008-12-05T07:59:00.000-08:00

In the airport terminal, you're neither here nor there, held in some in-between land designed to disorient. Osaka, Japan's Kansai International Airport feels like a space station. All things within its curved ceilings come perfectly illuminated and uniformly cast in colored plastic.

The facility also contains many mini things like tiny hand dryers (for this small-handed nation) and astronaut-appropriate food sources.

On the Sunday afternoon after Thanksgiving, I stopped in the Detroit International Airport, where I have spent every Sunday after Thanksgiving for the past four years. The experience never changes from year to year--the same trilingual announcements (English, Japanese, Chinese), the same lazy people taking the tram to their departure gates, the same IN-HOUSE TIME WARP!

Except this year, my layover lasted for 3.5 hours, giving me enough time to walk past all 128 gates twice and buy $30 worth of American magazines, which seems extremely decadent when you realize that's about 1000 NTD. Esquire Magazine, I hope you're worth it.

Excuse me for being sentimental

2008-11-28T22:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Allison,

In my attempts to find photos of us together from childhood, I have happened upon what (I hope) were the most hideous moments of our adolescence. To make the experience all the more painful, it appears that either you or I were behind the camera every time we took photos-- I guess that's the 7th grade equivalent of holding back a friend's hair. Considering the many years of friendship we've shared together, it's shocking how few photos feature both of us at the same time. This is the best I could do.

The greatest fruit that resulted from our endurance through our *ahem* "awkward" phase was, of course, the beautiful friendship we have now. The second greatest fruit that emerged from that time, however, was this play inspired by our first viewing of Monty Python And The Holy Grail. While you gave your speech at the rehearsal dinner tonight, it struck me how ladylike you've become in the past 10 years--but, you should know that in my heart, you will always be Agent Jean Simmons. I hope you enjoy rereading this as much as I have.

Congratulations on your wedding, Allison! I love you.

Yours,

Victoria Chao as Agent K. Robuskiali

Gettin' Hitched

2008-11-26T02:19:00.001-08:00

I'm flying home over Thanksgiving weekend to attend a childhood friend's wedding. I probably won't blog, but that won't be any different than now, would it?

Happy Thanksgiving!

So we do make a difference

2008-11-20T06:39:00.000-08:00

This definitely counts as a good day in teaching.

My only wish

2008-11-19T21:58:00.000-08:00

If I could have just one wish, I would wish for Sudafed. Meth-lab quantities of it.

If I got a second wish, I would also want a truckload of lotion-saturated tissues.

Give me your money!

2008-11-18T07:04:00.000-08:00

Would you really travel farther than a few miles to see this? --Photo Courtesy of Shiela Lee

Nothing says, "I'm desperate for your tourism dollars" like a good, old-fashioned, trolley-shaped tour bus in a city that traditionally has no trolleys. The naked grab for your expendable income seems especially transparent when you (as in I) can't imagine where that bus would take its passengers. I love this city, but a river decorated in Christmas lights (aka the Love River) and the island's second-largest Hello Kitty Ferris Wheel (yes, this almost-superlative appears on almost every travel brochure) hardly count as tourist destinations.

Not to put down the good people who have worked hard to revitalize Kaohsiung, but I'm tired of the "If we build it they will come" attitude that pervades every attempt to prepare for the 2009 World Games. It's simply not true, and I wish someone with decision-making power would figure that out.

Delicious

2008-11-16T00:48:00.001-08:00

If desire were to take solid form,

it would look like carnival food.

"Oh, to be 75 again..."

2008-11-15T04:47:00.000-08:00

If this ain't precious....

...then I don't know what is.

Today Taiping Elementary School held it's 89th Anniversary Celebration (or "Birthday Party," as the principal called it) which, at its core, meant that I had to work on a Saturday, but in the best way possible.

Seriously, why are they so cute?

If it seems like I'm enamored with Asian children in matching outfits, that's because I am. Each grade had a different costume theme. The costumes became increasingly bland as the students got older (Kindergarten students wore sparkly, rainbow outfits; 3rd graders wore bright yellow do-rags on their heads; 6th graders made paper crowns.) Obviously, I mostly took photos of the Kindergarten and First grade students.

Are they supposed to be birds? Native Americans? Mardi Gras revelers? Does it even matter?

Of course, the only thing I love more than Asian children in matching costumes is Asian children in matching costumes while dancing in unison. Pictured below are the kindergarteners doing a dance about being healthy and loving exercise. It reminded me of a Barbie aerobics video, but of course, much cuter. (The least adorable performance: belly-dancing 5th and 6th grade girls).

Like school-wide events in the US, the birthday celebration also included races of the three-legged, potato sack, and Teacher Vicky vs. Her Fulbright Adviser vs. Her Principal variety. There were also some relay races I'd never seen before. One race involved two children running together inside a hula hoop, kicking over some bottles, hula-hooping a few times, picking up the bottles, and giving the hoop to the next pair.

And I've definitely never seen these before in my life:

Apparently they're arm-powered and will only move in zig-zags, making even the very short distance of 6 feet take what feels like a lifetime. (Not recommended as a spectator sport)

One thing I didn't expect was for the event to trigger old memories. As a kid, I remember getting dragged to Taiwanese Association events, enjoying the first hour, and then fidgeting in my chair for another two hours while the Taiwanese Association board conducted what felt like the world's longest raffle. (Of note: the only thing my family ever won was a set of locker shelves that were way too wide for any of the lockers I had in my school days--and none of us had a locker at the time). Now I see that the Columbus Taiwanese Association is undeserving of this superlative--apparently all Taiwanese events include a raffle, and all of these raffles are long.

Playing the waiting game

Of course, there is always a reason to stay: THE ULTIMATE PRIZE! THE NEVER-ENDING DREAM!

One dean, the Dean of Discipline no less, was so excited when I pulled his name that he did a jig and almost cried. Imagine this: the man you're most afraid of seeing in the office, a very serious man, is jumping up and down in excitement. I think (I hope) he's giving the bike to his son.

***Bonus Photos*****

An imagined conversation between Dr. Phil and me as we enjoy massages after losing to Principal Tsai in the running race:

DP: I was impressed. The Principal had a huge head start and you caught up.
VC: Second place is first loser.

Can you see my official staff t-shirt? It has a koala and the word "Cute" on it. How very elementary school!

Black Pea

2008-11-13T22:59:00.000-08:00

I've been on hiatus. You can tell because I haven't been posting, or because my posts haven't been very good. I'd tell you I've been busy, but really, I've developed an addiction to TV.

I have, however, been checking my email and my friend Chloe sent me a blog that touches on many themes very near and dear to my heart. It's called My Mom Is A Fob. Here's a sample post:

Black men on TV
By mmiaf | November 12, 2008

[At the dinner table, speaking in Mandarin except for names]
Me: Ma, these steaks are amazing!
Bro: Mmmm, so good, wowww… thanks Ma!
Mom: Yes, and my grill is so great because it drips excess oil while it’s grilling the meat! Simple and easy to clean, and keeps us healthier. I bought one for your Aunt Jean in Taiwan, too since it’s so handy. I just love my Morgan Freeman Grill!
[Bro and I look at each other confused]
Bro: OMG… Ma… did you mean… your George Foreman Grill?
Me: AHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Mom: You two always like to pick at my English. Their names are similar okay, and they’re both nice black men I see on TV!!!!

And for those of you who got the Black Pea reference, I hope you're laughing. For those who didn't, I'm sure it'll come up later. It's probably my favorite mom story in recent memory.

Break Out Those Earmuffs...

2008-11-12T07:13:00.000-08:00

Winter is finally here! And by winter, I mean it's finally dipped below 80 degrees Fahrenheit for three days in a row!

All of my students have been wearing fleece vests and heavy wool coats to school. I love this island....

Arrested Development

2008-11-11T07:07:00.000-08:00

It's been an exciting week in politics, and no, I'm not talking about the recent U.S. election. I'm also not talking about Arrested Development, that most awesome of awesome sitcoms.

Chen Shui-bian, former president of Taiwan's pro-independence Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) was detained today for alleged corruption. Last week, DPP protesters stormed Taipei to express their displeasure over the arrival of the Chinese envoy Chen Yunlin, chairman of The Association for Relations Across the Straits. And for good measure, I should probably mention that protesters also mobbed the vice-chairman of this association at Tainan's Confucius Temple on October 21.

Here are the images I associate with each event (these are especially important since television news goes too quickly for my poor listening comprehension):

November 11: Chen Shui-bian holds his handcuffed arms up in victory as the police lead him away.
November 6: EMTs carry away a woman who has fainted in the midst of the angry, violent mob. It's night, and lots of people wear long, yellow ribbons that say "Taiwan is my country." The ribbons look like they're made of the same plastic as garbage bags or caution tape.
October 21: Daytime--a small crowd of people pushes down the vice-chairman. Then one of them (I think he's wearing green) jumps on top of the envoy's fancy black car. He stomps around, leaving wide, shallow dents on the roof.

I could have sworn that Chen was already found guilty of corruption, but since the media here is unabashedly partisan, I'm afraid that I've been swayed by my father's political persuasion in believing that he's embezzled 14.8 million NTD (that's $480,500 US). The BBC keeps saying "alleged charges," so I guess I'm wrong.

Here's where I get confused--the BBC has printed the following quotation from Chen:

"The KMT and the Chinese Communist Party see me as their number one prisoner as I am the biggest stone blocking their way to reunification," Mr Chen told reporters, according to the French news agency AFP.

He said the Chinese envoy, Chen Yunlin, "had a bad time in Taiwan... so Ma Ying-jeou wants to put me in jail as a sacrifice to appease China. I am very honoured and proud to play such a role."

Initially, I felt like Chen was just manipulating people's Sino-phobic emotions, but that was before I realized the charges were alleged and not proven. So what if he's not guilty? Is he really President Ma's sacrifice to appease China? To be honest, I still feel like Chen is playing the spin game, but is that my bias talking?

Only time will tell. Until then, I'll be in a perpetual state of second-guessing.

Why I Love NPR Reason No. 1: The NYTimes sucks at Podcasts

2008-11-08T18:59:00.000-08:00

The host of The New York Times' Weekend Business podcast has a nice tenor to his voice, but sounds like he's reading off a cue card, or you know, talking to a Taiwanese elementary school student.

I know the major news outlets are taking their first wobbly steps in this new world of multimedia. In time, I'm sure they'll figure it out. But I probably won't listen to another NYtimes podcast until someone recommends it.

On Michael Crichton (but not a eulogy)

2008-11-07T05:27:00.000-08:00

Someone once told me (retold as I remember the conversation but most likely not verbatim):

After graduating from Harvard, my husband and I moved out to L.A. to try to make it as writers. My husband, in a bold move, decided to cold call Michael Crichton and ask him out to lunch. He actually accepted.

They went out to sushi later that week, and all Michael Crichton wanted to talk about for two hours was how much better L.A. was in the 60's because you could tear down the highways as fast as you wanted without worrying about getting caught and have sex with as many women as you wanted without getting AIDS. I mean, I know he probably wanted to tell the young buck about his glory days, but my husband is a skinny little Jewish guy who came this close *sticks out thumb and index finger till they almost touch, starts talking in nasal voice* to going to med school.

I've never read a Michael Crichton book or seen a Michael Crichton movie, not even Jurassic Park, so this is all I have to go on. I like to compare it to James Fallows' goodbye post.

Final Note on the Election

2008-11-05T06:44:00.000-08:00

What fascinates my 5th and 6th graders most about the election is not the fact that Obama is black and McCain is old (though they find this interesting too), but that I could send my vote through the mail. During the 2004 Taiwanese presidential election, Taiwanese people living abroad flew back to the island in droves in order to vote. Can you imagine sitting on a plane for 24 hours (48 round-trip) just to cast a ballot?

Which is to say, I take back all my griping about the hassles of voting absentee from two days ago. I guess it's the little things that make me proud to be an American.

Well, that and the fact that Franklin County finally voted my way. Way to go, Ohio!

On a non-election-related note...

2008-11-03T07:47:00.000-08:00

This is my new favorite blog. Possibly the best blog ever made:

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

The Election From Abroad

2008-11-03T06:47:00.000-08:00

Biggest roadblocks to voting from Taiwan:

1. Deciphering the first question on the Federal Voting Registration and Absentee Ballot Request: Asking yourself, "am I living abroad temporarily or indefinitely" inevitably leads to an existential crisis about the future.

2. Making 2 trips to the post office (once to mail off absentee ballot request, once to mail off the completed ballot).
***Correlated challenge: locating the nearest post office, hoping its office hours don't conflict with your work schedule.

3. Knowing your address

The moral of the story: please enjoy the relative ease of your voting experience tomorrow. The lines may be long, but at least you don't have to translate your contact information into English.

Please, please, please don't forget to vote (especially if it's for Barack Obama)

The Monster Mash

2008-10-31T10:33:00.000-07:00

For the first time in eight years, I did not wear my Pokemon costume for Halloween. I thought about bringing it as I was packing for the summer. It was all folded up at the bottom of my suitcase, but since I only had 2 suitcases for the upcoming year, it just didn't make the cut. Considering everything that has changed for me in the past 6 months, it seems strange that leaving Jigglypuff behind would feel like the worst part about growing up.

The way to get over sadness is, of course, to impose American culture on a country that doesn't celebrate Halloween! Shuting and I planned Halloween activities for the entire week--that's around 20 hours of mummy-wrapping, donut-eating, costume-making and mask parading in 5 days! And that doesn't include the throngs of children banging down our door to beg for candy between classes.

And here's photographic proof:

Favorite costumes include: the pork-jerky monster (aka the girl with wads of newspaper taped to her face) and the transformer (made of a box). More than anything, I'm proud to have such creative students--we didn't let them buy the materials for the costumes and I think they turned out quite nicely!

Basically, my week went a lot like this:

Happy Halloween everyone!

2008-10-30T09:55:00.000-07:00

Not all candy is created equal. Dum-dums, for example, are not as good as Snickers bars. Don't try to convince me otherwise.

The Taiwanese have taken candy inequality to a whole new level. Here's a sampling of the stuff we've been giving our kids:

Center: Cola flavor
Bottom center, white color: Milk flavor
Green candy: Creamy Sour Apple
Blue candy: Mystery blue flavor
Pink and yellow wrapper: Yogurt flavor
Top, green and yellow wrapper: Creamy lime
Gold wrapper: Honey Flavor

and my all-time favorite

Right side, orange-red wrapper: Wax Gourd Flavor

Maybe I should hand out toothbrushes. Happy Halloween, everyone!

The US Treasury Department Tries to Have Fun

2008-10-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

I just spent my last half hour before bedtime hanging out at the Bad Credit Hotel, a 3D, interactive computer game aimed at teaching 18-20-something youngsters like myself about building and maintaining credit, keeping a budget, etc etc etc.

Looks like the US Treasury Department, with the help of the Ad Council, has taken on my teaching style--that is, tricking students into learning boring stuff like personal finances (or you know, the alphabet) by making it a game!

The Bad Credit Hotel has a 1930's feel to it, and a Morgan Freeman-esque "worldly gentleman" leads you around the hotel as you try to unlock the secrets to getting into Room 850, the only room in the hotel that isn't cockroach-infested and dim.

It's tacky, but thoroughly enjoyable. It's like a grown-up version of Midnight Rescue or Math Mountain. I'm a little bitter that I spent an entire 30 minutes on the site and still only found 8/10 secrets, but that's the nerdy part of me that also loves National Treasure shining through.

Or if you want the Cliffnotes version of the game, you could check out this video from SNL posted on my roommate Katie's blog.

Word of the Day

2008-10-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

myopia:
from www.m-w.com

Main Entry:: my·o·pia
Pronunciation:: \mī-ˈō-pē-ə\
Function:: noun
Etymology:: New Latin, from Greek myōpia, from myōp-, myōps
Date:: circa 1752

1 : a condition in which the visual images come to a focus in front of the retina of the eye resulting especially in defective vision of distant objects
2 : a lack of foresight or discernment : a narrow view of something

— my·o·pic \-ˈō-pik, -ˈä-\ adjective

— my·o·pi·cal·ly \-pi-k(ə-)lē\ adverb

I had to look it up when I was reading this article in the NYTimes, but it seems like a fitting word for those of us well entrenched in our quarter-life crises.

Self-Defense

2008-10-27T18:59:00.001-07:00

Mosquitoes beware:
I know you're out there and I won't go down without a fight.

Japanese Cowboy

2008-10-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't enjoyed a movie like this in a long time. And, I've never seen a movie quite like Sukiyaki Western Django. If I could, I would give a review of the movie, but I've never seen a spaghetti western, my knowledge of cult films and Japanese films is minimal--therefore I am unqualified. I leave it to rottentomatoes.com:

Synopsis: SUKIYAKI WESTERN DJANGO is prolific Japanese cult director Takashi Miike's samurai tribute to the Spaghetti Western genre. With an irreverent style and an obvious knowledge of the oater canon, Miike sets out to celebrate the factory line artistry of films such as Sergio Leone's A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS and Sergio Carbucci's DJANGO, while fully embracing the dazzling, post-modern aesthetic of movies such as KILL BILL and DESPERADO. And while homage and cinematic genre mash-ups can both be high on genuine artistic vision, it's clear from the supremely stylized opening prologue--with its transparent set pieces, outrageous kill shots, and cameo from that anointer of cult films himself, Quentin Tarantino--that Miike is out to have fun above all. The story follows a Man With No Name gunfighter brought to a small village in Nevada to protect the townspeople from two rival gangs at war over a treasure hidden in the nearby hills. Themes of honor, tradition, loyalty, and family give the film some dramatic weight, but SUKIYAKI WESTERN DJANGO primarily works as a high-octane action flick, albeit one made by a director with style and smarts. The samurai sword lust, kung-fu bar brawls, and John Woo-style operatic gun play remain completely gripping regardless of plot. Yet though the basic story has been told by everyone from Dashiell Hammett to the Coen Brothers to Akira Kurosawa, it's one that has clearly worked its way into the pantheon of contemporary myth and makes for solid dramatic ground on which an entertaining spectacle can unfurl.

Next stop at the Kaohsiung Film Festival: some movie about a Michael Jackson impersonator meeting a Marilyn Monroe impersonator, moving to an impersonation colony with her and throwing a ball? I hope you're as pumped as I am.

A Favorite Article, A Sad Story

2008-10-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

I'd write about my sweet, sweet Saturday, but discussing the Kaohsiung National Games Opening Ceremony properly requires me to get some multimedia from my roommates. You can look forward to that in the next few days.

I was going through some papers earlier this week and I stumbled upon a photocopy of this article about being on the last plane out of Burma before Cyclone Nargis hit from the August edition of Outdoor magazine by Patrick Symmes. I'm keeping it because I like his writing style and the way he ends the piece (no spoilers here). It also reminds me of the most important lesson I learned while working at NPR this summer: no one will run a story on Burma (aka Myanmar) unless something changes. Since change seems unlikely at this time, the only news we'll see comes when someone from the western media manages to get inside.

If there is no change, there will be no news. If there is no news, will we forget?

**The answer is yes. In June when all the Zimbabwe stuff was fresh, Peter Maas of Slate Magazine wrote an article on why we don't hear more about Equatorial Guinea. He writes:

The reality of the regime's brutishness nearly hit me over the head as I was being expelled from the country while researching a book on oil in 2004. I had already been chilled by the docility of the people—unlike other countries in the Third World, no one approached me as I walked the streets. (The only place where I had felt a similar pattern of fear was North Korea.)

Too Gross for Photos

2008-10-24T11:20:00.000-07:00

Cockroaches invaded the streets of Kaohsiung today. That's right--hundreds of large, shiny, mahogany-colored cockroaches. I spent most of my morning staring down at my feet trying to avoid the world's most disgusting creatures as local shopkeepers attempted to sweep them off the sidewalks and into the street. Every once in a while, however, I would look up from my feet and see the terrifying litter of insect corpses ahead. It was like looking at a minefield.

Taiwan generally has a lot of cockroaches, but today was truly an infestation. The whole situation left my roommates and me wondering: Are they simultaneously hatching? Is there a storm coming? Has the apocalypse arrived?

It ends up that the powers that be in the local government put some sort of toxin into the sewer system to kill the cockroaches. Once the they came into contact with the poison, they emerged from the sewers in droves. On the street, they convulsed until they flipped onto their backs while desperately trying to right themselves by wiggling their spindly appendages in the air. Eventually, the poison got the best of them--their struggle for survival slowly came to an end as their legs shriveled tightly across their abdomens. By 2pm, all of them were dead.

And tonight, millions of ants will feed greedily upon the bodies of the fallen. I've seen it with my own eyes--little black dotted lines converging into a solid mass around each cockroach shell. Should I be grossed out or relieved?

All the Small Things

2008-10-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

The little things that make me smile can be categorized in two ways:

I. Hand-held:

4th Grade Boy: "Teacher Vicky, I made this for you!"

I nearly stepped on you! You are rare indeed!

My host mom: "Vicky! This seashell looks like a button! You must keep it!"

Pint-Sized:

Dear Taiwan,
In spite of all the problems we've had, your love of uniformity can be (at times) quite adorable. Especially when it entails wearing matching caps screen-printed with koala bears.

Shenqiao is in 5th grade. He insists on waving both hands vigorously when he says hello to me in the hallways. He is also at least a head shorter than everyone else in his class, which just makes him absurdly cute. It's really unbearable.

I hope he never hits puberty

Taiwan's Favorite Pastime

2008-10-20T18:45:00.000-07:00

Comparative Cheering: The Kaohsiung La New Bears had cheerleaders and a large band. The Taipei Brother Elephants had an overweight man donning a plastic bag twisted into Princess Leia buns on his head (pictured above, center).

I've never been much of a baseball fan. My family isn't a sports family, and having grown up in a town without a professional baseball team, I've never bothered to "get it." I've done my best to understand football--Columbus is buckeye country, and though I'll never be a true 'Bucks fan, it's hard not to sympathize when the whole town is hungover the day after a big loss.

Here in Taiwan, they're nuts about baseball. When Chinese Taipei played China in the Olympics, the taxi driver who took me home (much to my horror) kept his eyes glued to his mini TV as he drove. I often find New York Yankees paraphernalia at the local street stands; the Taiwanese go nuts over the Yankees because they have a Taiwanese player.

So when in Taiwan, do as the Taiwanese do.

Left to right: Dani, Kate, Shiela, and I in front of the baseball stadium

The basketball coach from Huashan Elementary School invited us to watch the Kaohsiung vs. Taipei pro baseball game with him. The game was a big deal. There's a huge rivalry between the two urban areas--they're the two biggest cities in Taiwan and Kaohsiung is like Cleveland to Taipei's glittering New York. It's post-industrial, mostly blue-collar, recovering from pretty serious pollution issues, and most of all, kind of fed up with Taipei's disdain for the philistines down South.

Despite the fact that I've never been able to focus for more than 2 innings of a baseball game, I saw it as an opportunity to both assimilate and stick it to the big shots up north!

We all assumed that Coach Pao would root for Kaohsiung--after all, we live in Kaohsiung. So imagine our surprise when we, all dressed in green for the Kaohsiung La New Bears, saw Coach Pao get out of his car wearing yellow for the Taipei Brother Elephants. He was a fan of both teams, he said, but he could get better seats for the Taipei side of the stadium. So he wore his yellow shirt and we sat in front of these people:

Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em (plus yellow is my favorite color).

And that's how I became a Taipei Brother Elephants fan.

*The only things I understand about baseball: food and retail opportunities.

Dudes for Sarah

2008-10-19T08:15:00.000-07:00

I was about to write an entry about my sweet weekend--watching the Taipei vs. Kaohsiung baseball game and going to Kending, a beach resort at the southernmost tip of Taiwan--when my friend Jing sent me this article from the New York Times:

Among Fans of Palin, Dudes Rule

By MARK LEIBOVICH

Published: October 18, 2008

Highlights:

1. The part where NYT has to explain what Carhartts are:

“I feel like I’m at home,” Ms. Palin said, looking out at a boisterous crowd of about 6,000. “I see the Carhartts and the steel-toed boots,” she said, the first reference being to a clothing brand favored by construction workers and the burly types who make up much of the “Sarah Dude” population.

2. The parts where the crowds objectify Palin:

Mr. McLain wore a “Proud to be voting for a hot chick” button and was joined by his wife, Shannan (“Read my lipstick” button on lapel), and his 6-week-old son, Jaxon (“Nobama” button on beanie).

The dudes tend to make themselves noticed. “You tell ’em baby,” a man yelled out at a rally Wednesday night on a high school football field in Salem, N.H.

“I came here to look at her,” [a man wearing a John Deere T-shirt in Weirs Beach] said, and his admiration for Ms. Palin’s appearance became more and more animated.

3. The part where the NYT calls someone a dude:

“Marry me, Sarah,” a man implored in Weirs Beach, N.H., while Ms. Palin held up a tow-headed toddler and patted his little chest. She ignored, or didn’t hear, the proposal, but signed the dude’s ratty baseball cap.

From far away, this election feels more like a comedy routine than a pivotal moment that will determine (at least) the next four years of global, well, everything. And as much as I enjoy watching these Tina Fey as Sarah Palin skits on SNL, for the love of god, please don't forget to vote.

Damn, it feels good to be a Fulbright

2008-10-17T08:36:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time (as in, last year), I was invited to a "fahn-cy" party--except my phone kept cutting out when I was invited and all I could hear was my friend Vanessa describing the 80's prom dress she was going to wear. Naturally, I assumed it was a costume party and dressed like this:

but everyone else was in formal attire. Shit.

This year, we were invited to the Taiwan Ministry of Foreign Affair's Double 10 Festival, which celebrates the founding of the Republic of China. The party is a big deal--the equivalent would be watching the 4th of July at the White House. Even President Ma Ying-Jeou was there!
Thankfully, I got the dresscode right this time. And look, they even rolled out a red carpet for us!
As a show of their opulence, the Taiwanese government had ice sculptures everywhere they could fit:
They even served all the food that wouldn't get soggy off of ice sculptures:
Yup... that's a lot of shrimp spread out on an ice sculpture.

The event took place at the Taiwan Guest House, where I guess foreign dignitaries stay when they visit Taiwan. The garden was beautifully lit, though this photo doesn't do it justice:

I'm pretty sure I'll never be invited to a party like this ever again. I love being a "VIP."

Tyranny of the Majority

2008-10-16T09:00:00.001-07:00

I am what happens when a not-informed-enough-person tries to vote.

My absentee ballot came the other day, and I wanted to mail it off tomorrow. I've cast my ballots for the state constitutional amendments that I could look up (yes to the environment, no to making explicit private property owner's rights to groundwater).

I'm voting Obama (surprise surprise) and am abstaining from most other local elections and issues on the grounds that I'm not living in Ohio ever again and am too far removed from the issues. Other reasons to abstain: I think voting along party lines will destroy our country, votesmart.org is down, and I want to get this ballot sent off in time.

The one exception to my abstention: I am voting AGAINST Pat Tiberi for Representative to Congress. Why? Because when I was in 8th grade we got into an argument over flag burning at a school assembly. He said it was un-American, I said it was a legitimate form of protest. Then he told me "I used to think like you, but I think you'll understand when you're older."

and... I still think he's an asshole.

For everyone and anyone out there reading this, don't forget to vote! It's important, it's sexy, and it's American.

Love and Basketball

2008-10-09T05:34:00.000-07:00

They play trailers for this show on my ride home.

Can anybody tell me: why is basketball so popular in Taiwan when most of its people are at a physical disadvantage?

that's the last you'll hear from me, at least for the weekend.

Everything is Fine, Nothing is Ruined

2008-10-08T05:06:00.000-07:00

Last night:

My right arm spontaneously began to ache around 11:30 pm. The pain was dull, yet deep and potent. It felt like my bones were trying to burrow their way out of my arm. The pain kept me from sleeping twice--once when I was trying to fall asleep, and once when I woke up (it was excruciating!) at 4 am. I blame it for making me late to work today, not that anyone noticed.

Today:

I got acupuncture. To tell the truth, I'd been waiting for an ailment to crop up so I could finally use my National Health Insurance for some unapproved-by-the-scientific-community cure of the Eastern medicine variety. For only 100 NTD, no less!

The doctor who treated me wore converse sneakers, jeans, and a Chinese-style button down shirt. No white labcoat. The nurses wore dresses that looked like a cross between a nurse's uniform and a qipao. Did I mention that the dresses were pink?

My check-in conversation went like this:

Doctor: What's wrong
Me: My arm hurts. The whole thing
Doctor: Are you afraid of acupuncture?

The nurse inserted 8 finger-length needles halfway into my arm so that about 2 inches remained exposed. It didn't hurt--the needles were thin and until someone told me they were halfway in, I had assumed that they barely penetrated the surface of my skin. Which explains why I expected them to fall out when she fastened a bunch of alligator clips to the needles and wired them to a switchboard.

Then she turned on the electricity.

If you've ever sent a series of electric pulses through your body, you'd probably agree that it produces a strange sensation. I could feel the muscles twitching violently, yet watching my bicep visibly convulse without any effort on my part made it seem like it wasn't really my arm, just some science experiment.

After my 15 minutes of playing Frankenstein were up, he pointed a steamer at my arm, cracked my back, and plastered some Chinese herbal medicine to my neck and tailbone so that the only position I can assume is "upright."

If I drop anything on the floor, I'm done for.

Ride On, Ride On

2008-10-07T08:35:00.001-07:00

I had my first truly Taiwanese bus ride today--a ride worthy of my mother's stories riding to school in a tightly packed vehicle. Today the bus that brought me home from school was so crammed with people that a kid actually fell out of the car when the door folded open to let me on.

Eye Spy

2008-10-06T07:02:00.000-07:00

On my daily commute, I see:

1. Pimple-faced teens in day-glow tracksuits congregate in every available space on the subway, frantically cramming before a long day at school.

2. The man across from me looks miserable. He probably works for China Steel and is therefore overworked and underpaid.

3. When I grow bored of looking at everyone else, I look at my backpack. It is orange but turning gray around the seams where all the dust gathers.

4. Sometimes I think that people avoid looking at me because I am also dirty all the time. This feels like proof:

Now that I take the bus in the mornings, though, things are different. The seats keep everyone looking forward so no one sees anything but the road ahead and the back of whoever sits in front of them. No chance of eye contact, no chance to feel shunned. The interior of the bus is old and, like me, coated in a fine layer of dirt. My self-esteem has skyrocketed since I made the switch.